Have you ever struggled with Loneliness,
Depression or Anxiety? I have and at times still do but that being said I have felt that I needed to share my story. For anyone that knows me this is WAY outside my comfort zone but when I had been asked to be a guest writer I had not committed to it until today when I felt like God wanted me to write down and share my thoughts.
I have struggled with Loneliness what’s that? It is the quality of being unfrequented and remote; isolation
On May 9th 2020 I got married and my life changed. I love my husband and I truly believe God sent him to me but for the first time I had to learn how to be (alone). Sure I was not truly alone but I was away from the security of what I had known growing up in the home with my family. In fact I felt so alone that I would cry out to God asking why I had to go through this. Even with COVID isolating me from so much I never really blamed COVID for how I was feeling.
On January 7th, 2021 my husband and I packed everything up and moved away from everything and everyone I had ever known. The loneliness I felt the past year was nothing compared to this isolation that I now found myself in.
This grew into a depression meaning I had feelings of severe despondency and dejection.
Self-doubt creeping in and causing this depression. I was “alone” and felt I had no worth. I would tell myself I could never be good enough. I battled with feeling worthless and stressed with having to do everything in this new role of life.
I felt such Anxiety, what I mean is I had a desire to do something but typically it was accompanied by an uneaseness. I was overwhelmed with fear and stress always WANTING to do a work for God but never knowing what to do, what the next step was or if I was even doing the right things.
I found myself in a spiritual waiting period. You know that room you sit in just waiting to see what comes next. There is something about those waiting rooms or waiting times that can be so uncomfortable, but that is a whole other discussion on it own.
I began to wonder where my faith was. Faith you know when you have complete trust or confidence in someone or something?
I have faith in God right?
Why couldn’t I just trust God?
On March 11th, 2022 at the U.P.C.I. TN Ladies Conference I found myself struggling with loneliness, depression and anxiety but God spoke to me. Saying “But I Have so much more for you". I poured myself out to Him and soaked in everything God would give me. A time of refreshing, healing, encouragement. A moment in time that I will never forget. All I have to do is put my faith in him.
Hebrews 11:1 says “Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen”.
So why am I still struggling with all of this? Why can’t I just give it all to Him?
Surely I love Him and trust Him.
May 1st, 2022 God spoke to me again. I was sitting in a ladies monthly Bible Study that we do at our church and God spoke to me..“ as long as you let this control your life I never can”. Wow! That is so true if I am holding on to everything how will HE ever be in control.
I can’t guarantee I will never stress or feel alone again. Who knows all of this may be preparing me for my future or for when I encounter someone that is going through the same things I have been going through. I don’t know what tomorrow holds but I do know that God is in control and as long as I keep casting my cares on Him He will not leave me nor forsake me.
I’m gonna be up or trying to get up from now on. I’m not turning back now.
Proverbs 3:5-7 “Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; And lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, And he shall direct thy paths. Be not wise in thine own eyes: Fear the LORD, and depart from evil.”
So if you are or have dealt with loneliness, depression or anxiety, know that you are not alone. Allow God to work in your life the way He has been working on mine.
What good would giving up now do?
For He has so much more for us!
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